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Thursday, November 30, 2017

Gem Clear versus Everclear

Everclear has absolutely no odor other than pure alcohol. It left me with no after-taste and no hangover. It's made with corn.

Gem Clear, while it is slightly cheaper, leaves me with a Vodka-like aftertaste, a terrible hangover, and a day with a mildly upset stomach. I can't find information on what's it's made with. I'm guessing potatoes.

The upside of this is a loss of appetite because alcohol has 7 calories per gram.

Typically I mix 50 ml of the alcohol with 50 ml of Margarita mix over ice in an 8 oz glass, then top it off with water, or tonic water. Under normal conditions, you should only use about 25 ml of the alcohol, which would match a normal Margarita's alcohol content.

You can stretch your alcohol budget very far with cheap, pure alcohol, instead of buying expensive brands of Vodka or Gin. Basically about half the price.

Obsessions

My family has a long history of Quaker Puritanism. They settled in Pennsylvania coming from Switzerland in the late 1600's, long before the American Revolution and the existence of the United States. Being omitted from the family history, I can only assume they came to America because they were pacifists, avoiding conscription into some military. I only learned they escaped some soldiers who were trying to capture them, not kill them.

Anyway, I think the Puritanism was so deep-seated, so embedded into their minds, that it became hard-wired into their genetics. They reel with disgust at the slightest innuendo or dirty joke, or even a swear word. I was adopted into this family.

My genes are different. I was raised in this family and I was conditioned to never express my desires and to repress my feelings about sex. It didn't help to be raised in a family of women who never had anything nice to say about men either. I feigned ignorance about my knowledge of intimacy out of fear of being ostracized and punished. It was a habit I had no choice but to adopt, and it stuck with me. Now at age 51, I am alone.

Without intimacy, I never had the motivation to achieve anything, and so nothing, I achieved. If I was going to be denied a relationship, because all my crushes were unrequited, I assume I don't qualify for natural selection, then what's the point of achieving anything?

Relationships for me are too difficult. Friendships have ended in disappointment because all of my friends have achieved the American Dream. Believe it or not, that's the circle within which I roll. They are all professionals, except me of course.

All of my friends went to college, got a career, then a family and then children. Do you know what it feels like to go to your best friend's wedding, only to be treated with secondary guest status? It's infuriating.

= ### =

It's now two years after I originally wrote this. I'm no longer holding out hope of entering an intimate relationship. The more I think about it, the more awkward I imagine the situation. I think I'm done.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

It's Charles Darwin's birthday, let's talk about Natural Selection.

Why have I been neglecting this blog? It's a combination of health and economics. I'm turning fifty years old in July. I don't drink alcohol so I don't go to bars. I'm on a tight budget so I avoid restaurants and coffee shops. I work out of my apartment on my computer. I most frequently get out for groceries. That's it.

I'm a member of some Meetup.com groups, but my social skills just don't cut it. I'm not good in large groups and I'm too slow to interact in conversations so I usually wind up just listening. Some people are polite enough to engage me for a while, but they eventually grow tired. I probably don't interact properly, but nobody ever cared enough to tell me so I don't know.

My whole life I think I had one girlfriend for about two years starting when I was about fourteen years old. When we first met it seemed like a mutual "love-at-first-sight" situation and we held hands and kissed a lot, but then I didn't see her for a few years and we lost touch. I had a couple of lucky make-out sessions in middle school for a total of about five minutes during gym class behind the stage curtain. After that I had crush after crush on girls and after seventeen or eighteen spurned advances I finally got a clue that I just didn't qualify for Natural Selection.

I hear stories about how my cousins met their wives through their friends. It hurts to know that people I thought were my friends wouldn't have a first thought about introducing me to anyone, but I suppose that's part of Natural Selection.